Back to the black and white

So, after 12 hours of sleep, i woke up at 8 am today. I felt lazy from all the relaxing at the camp. On the other hand, it felt right to go back to the usual homework, studying, school, and facebook. So, after doing homeworks while being distracted constantly, i took a big break in the middle, only to find myself finally waking up to reality 2 hours later. Then, i needed to do my homework again. Then, facebook. The pattern went on and on, and i've only finished 2 homeworks, remaining 2........ perhaps it is destined for tomorrow. And again, speaking about black and white, and its opposite. We are having a practice test of SAT tomorrow. And i am now panikking here what i am supposed to do. I would just wish myself good luck and study some vocabularies.

Wednesday (Camp PAS)

It was the last day of camp, and it was heartbreaking. Well, not that severely though, sad. I enjoyed myself in the camp more than i expected i would be. We had to write reflections at the end. I wrote what we did. I didnt really put much thought into it. But i later realized that i should have. Everything should be done with care. Never drop the guard and be careful. I realized it again that day. Every little action would be discovered somehow. So, i learned another valuable lesson.Then, again, we were on the train. For another 4 hours. It was fun though. I lent my cards to a group of friends, and i went to find another group of friends and played cards with them. We played an extremely awkward game, where it requires alot of staring in the eyes, however, it was the best time.

Tuesday (Camp PAS)

It was the second day of camp. I was all sweaty and cold because of the blankets. Then, after breakfast, we went on bus for almost an hour and reached the rafting site. We rafted for over 4 hours. The scene was very dazzling. Every where was greens, greens, greens. The eagle was circling the sky. With the sound of water splashing, it was wonderful. Once in a while, we would pass small waterfalls. We would also encounter big and small rapids, and we would all have to get our feet in the raft and brace ourselves for the fun ride. It was very exciting. Then, we came back, and watched a performance by aboriginal groups. We had our own show, and it was alot of fun too. We didnt have a specific curfew, so we slept late, but it was a fun day.

Monday (Camp PAS)

After a 4 hour long train ride, mixed with a nap, chat with friends, a card game, and tent flag making, we finally arrived at the camp in Hualien. We set up our tent, and went down to the water park to play a small game. There were supposed to be 2 games but after one game, everyone started to play in the water park, so the 2nd game was cancelled. It was a fun moment. Then we moved to the paddling boat area. The paddling boat was also fun. I happened to sit on the seat where the direction control was. I had great pressure but i was fun and i enjoyed the fun time, though we only collected 2 out of 4 cards from the stations. Then, we had a BBQ party, again, it was fun. After that, we discussed our show for tomorrow as a team. Then we went to sleep after washing.

The Unknown

Our first quickwrite topic was "the Unknown." It was a topic where everyone is familiar with. It is ironic how we, everyone is familiar with the unknown, but in reality, we are very familiar with the unknown. In fact, we face it everyday. When we wake up in the mornings everyday, we face the unknown day. We dont know what is waiting for us. Even the weathe is the unknown, the people we shall meet on the subway, bus, street, are all the unknown. There are things that are especially the unknowns. They are new places, new experiences, new events. There is a true, typical unknown event coming up, the Camp PAS, which is tomorrow. We dont know what is waiting for us. Though i'm not as enthusiastic because i've been there last year, i still am excited about the unknowns waiting for us.

Small Dreams, and Acting First

Dreaming of a tomorrow, which tomorrow, will be as distant then as 'tis today.
Lope de Vega

Again, i love my dreams. However, i am not hardworking enough, and i really dislike myself for it. I wish that i would just focus on homework and stop going on social networking websites like facebook. I really do not have the power to stop myself from doing what i really want. However, that is the most important element and the key to success, the power of selfcontrol. I promise, from now on, i am not going to go on those kind of websites. I am going to restrict myself, challenge myself. Like the basketball coach said, we only have a limited amount of time. Everyone is given the same amount of time, the difference between those people is that some are focused and they use their time well, and some others who are bound to fail at the end, are always on facebook. I realized how scary this is. How horrifying the truth is. How life is. I've always been not so good at time keeping. Also, i hate myself for it. Always, at least before, it has been where time chases me. I was always late, 1mins, 3 mins, and 5 and 10. I really hate myself and scold myself everytime that happens. I wish, i would just stop chasing time, and instead let time catch up with me. And then, in the meantime, i would read and i would be using my time very well. I wish, i wish, i wish. However, i can not be wishing. I have to act. Bring the wish into action. Right now, my dream is not being a CEO of an famous, big, well- developed electronic company. My dream right now is to manage my time well, and have a lot selfcontrol, and then, i can, and i would most definitely, start dreaming.

Efficiency

Today, again there was basketball practice. We have 3 practices a week, on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. We run drills, then do pushups, situps, and suicides, even running up and down the stairs 3 times! There was also the boys' basketball game against the Kuangfu's boy basketball team. Both of the teams were very skilled. I wish i could be like them, as skilled. Almost all their attempts of shoots got in. They were very impressive. These days, practices feel miserable. I didnt understand the defending strategies. The other team members understand, but only i dont. So, the coach told me to stand aside and just watch, for two practices already! I felt sad but i know that I had to try harder. I need to try harder. The coach said everyone has a given amount of time of learning. Everyone learns the same thing. The difference made is how you practice on your own. It doesnt matter if the coach tells you how to do it ten times, it is more important to do it yourself once. It is what makes you standout, how you could be better than others. He said an example, Kuangfu practices day and night, everday for hours on ends, but our school's team practied 3 times a week. The coach said: "It's all about efficiency." I was very touched by his words. My parents told me, to use my time wisely. Today, another door opened. I realized another important element of life, efficiency. It is what makes you different from everyone else. It goes the same for studying, too, most definitely. So, i am, going to, from today, really use time wisely, focus on the given time, and efficiency, efficiency, and efficiency.

Music

If a composer could say what he had to say in words he would not bother trying to say it in music.
Gustav Mahler

Music is wonderful. I have always admired people who say "music is my life." I've wanted to say that very much myself. I played the piano for several years but stopped when i was in elementary school. However, now i also play the flute and classical guitar. I've wanted to say that. I've also always loved singing, listening to music, dancing. My life was all about music, as i think of it. I am having these thoughts because we had orchestra today. We were playing the marriage of figaro. We saw a short video of a famous conductor. The conductor seemed so zealous. He was smiling all the way. He was truely enjoying music. Feeling the music. Living with the music. I was awed. Also, the quote above is about composers. I've attempted to compose some musics myself, however, perhaps i need more practice, i couldnt compose a long one, instead, just a short, simple one. It was good enough for starters, in my opinion, i named it "Autum." It was fun. Perhaps, i could turn my life into music. My life is music. It is about music, but just a part of it. I am going to develop more hobbies that can represent me, and my life.

Imagination and Fantasy

I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities. - Dr. Seuss

I love Dr. Seuss. He is my idol. The author I look up to. His poems are in perfect rhyme and meter. In this quote, he talks about fantasy. Last year, I was very obessed with fantasy. However, over the summer, I got a wakeup call, a Aha moment, a lightbulb moment, you name it. I did, get the moment of realization. It was that fantasy are a waste of time. I thought that way and was into classics only at that time. Now, as i read Dr. Seuss' quote, i think, perhaps fantasy is a wonderful thing. Perhaps, i just read the wrong fantasy, experienced the wrong fantasy. However, there are no rights and wrongs of literature. It all depends on how the reader analyzes it. The fantasy i encountered, the faries, werewolves, vampires, there are neccessary elements of fantasy. I should read them once in a while, but i think the best sellers like Lord of the rings, and Harry potter, are better fantasies. They are perhaps more educational than others because they are best sellers. In the quote above, i especially liket he part wehre he says looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. I wonder how to do that though. I am also confused about the last part, laugh at life's realities. So, does that mean imagination is important? Fantasy are a big part of our lives? Stop being so serious about life? Whatever the quote means, I'm going to appreciate fantasy, respect it, read it, love it. Also, I'm going to life my one and only life to the fullest and regret nothing.

Life is a Movie

Nowadays, I do think life is a movie. Everyone kept saying "life is a movie, life is a movie," around me, i never understood why people were acting. However, today, i did understand. I do have to act. I act, simply because i can not do it. I really want to be true. I dont want to act, I want it to be me, but i can't do it. Once, i read in a book, it said, "Fake it until you make it." That line had a big impact on me. Whenever i couldnt do it, i just faked it, but i'm not an actress, i couldnt act. I learned, though i cant act, though i'm not an actor, i will keep on acting. I know i shouldnt act, instead, i should be true in behavoirs. So, i've decided, to truely fake it until i make it.

Doubt and Faith

Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother. Khalil Gibran

It is quite confusing what this means. However, i think i can figure it out. Doubt is a scary thing. Between two close people, there shouldnt be any doubt. It must be complete trust in order for them to be close. On the other hand, there should be doubt, so we can avoid danger. However, living life should not have much doubt. Even if there is doubt, like the quote says, there should always be faith with. Having lots of faith is a good thing. It means you are a optimistic person, and usually, optimistic people succeed more. There should be doubt but not to the point where the whole person becomes totally pesimistic.

Wonderful, Pleasant life

A man who dares to waste one hour of time has not discovered the value of life. - Charles Darwin. 

Soon now, i have realized all i write in my journal is the mistakes i make all day. I have realized, like, Charles Darwin said, i should not waste my valuable time by making stupid mistakes. Life is very important. Everyone has only one life. It depends on how a person treasure it, care for it. I should stop all the mistakes i am making now, and live life well. I should live life without regret. I should live life to the fullest. Few days ago in Mr. Dahl's English class, our class discussed, how the world is not a pleasant place to be without someone. Of course, there is always the need of someone to hold on to, someone to be held by. However, the teacher did a quick survey on how people react to the world being a pleasant place to be in. A little more than half of the class said the world is not a pleasant place. I wondered: 'How could they think that? The world is such a pleasant place to be in, to live in!' The topic sort of confused me though, did it mean the world as in the planet Earth or as in Life? I interpreted as life. Life is really wonderful and pleasant. Everyday, i'm grateful that i'm alive. Though i make many mistakes along the way, i would like to think of them as lessons and experiences i have to learn in order for me to not to it the second time. However, i do make the same mistakes twice. It is definitely not acceptable, but i am learning. I really hope, i would stop making mistakes, and learn fast, not waste time, and live life to the fullest.

Big Big Mistake

I seem to cause trouble or make mistakes all the time these days. I really dislike myself for it. First, is that my parents only allows me to use my laptop in a room other than my own, so i wouldnt lock myself up and go on social networking sites. However, because in highschool, there are 1 or 2 classes that requires laptops. So, i gradually started to settle my laptop in my room. I know I am not listening  to my parents like i should be, but hey, i'm a teenager. So, because of that, i started sleeping at 2 or 3 oclock. I have to keep reminding myself of my golden rules and tips for survival. Some people act without thinking. They act without putting themselves in other peoples' shoes, and doesnt care whether they feel uncomfortable somehow. Today, i made a very big mistake. We, our class, had a meeting. Some said it would end in half an hour, some said an hour. Many people were taking time, thinking carefully about our topic for a show, but i was just desperate. I had promised someone to get something for them. I learned long ago, that promises are not to be broken. So, i left the class meeting early. I made an appointment with a taxi driver i know, and i told her to come at 4:45 yesterday. So i left the class meeting at 4. I should have put myself in other classmates' shoes. It seemed like i didnt participate alot. I left very bad today. I promise myself and mark a star beside a new tip for survival : "Tolerance, and Putting Yourself in others' shoes."

Reminders

I guess I've setted up my own tips on "Becoming Successful," which I call them Golden Tips, instead of Golden Rules. Some tips are neat handwriting, reading many books, studying hard, being good at sports and music, making right decisions, not being late, and never leave things till the last day. For examples, school projects, i have heard teachers' advices for not leaving projects till the night before they're due. Shamefully, I had done exactly that many times. I know in my heart and mind that i should get started on projects earlier. I need to remind myself of my Golden Tips. Also, this Golden Tip also goes for homeworks. On fridays, as known as the Thank-God-It's-Friday friday, I'm not thanking god, I'm praying to god that i wont leave my homeworks till Sunday night. However, this freshmen year, I'm seeing a change in myself, i did some homeworks on Saturday night. Still, I'm up till late on this very Sunday night. However, since I'm in highschool now, I've promised myself not to forget to do my assignments (which includes not forgetting to bring them), and being a top A student. I know this isn't a perfect start, but today, I got a wake-up-call. I am promising myself, for the second and last time, I'm going to have a perfect, impressive Freshmen year and grades.

Passion, Interest, Hobby, Confusion

Today was Moon Festival, so our family went to BBQ near a stream. It was like a area where people come and pay money to BBQ. Then, around 1 hour later we arrived, the owners of the place and a group of christians came to perform for us. The performance that i remember most clearly was a dance performance. It was just a plain dance performance to a kpop song, and the performers were little kids from 6 to 12. I used to be really passionate about my dancing hobby. I used to go to dance classes but not anymore. Therefore, I forgot about my passion for dancing. However, today, it was conjured up suddenly while watching the performance. I also used to have great passion for skatboards, as well as drawing, and other hobbies. I wish my hobby didn't change so often. It may mean that I dont have a strong mind. Currently, my hobby is photography. I really wish that this time, my hobby would be permenant. I would love to have a hobby that could stick with me for the rest of my life.

AHA day

Once, our teacher told us something about the "aha moment" where you realize something, well my memory is kind of blurry. Today, it felt like a AHA day. It was like a new door opened? I'm not quite sure. However, today was very special and i am sure of it. We had clubs today, and my club is the best in the world, i can say. It is the mobile app development club. When i first noticed the club options on the bulletin board, it stood out to me immediately. It was like i could only see that club. I chose community service before the year started, but when i saw there the was mobile app development club, i changed clubs immediately and i never regreted my choice. Sadly, next semester i have to change my club to orchestra because i am in orchestra and later in the year, we work with the musical so we would practice more. However, i am just going to learn and enjoy while i can. So, today, we installed the java (though i still am not very clear on what it is) and we installed some software development tool (SDK) for android. It was an emulator, which was a smart phone and a tablet in the computer. However, the calling and camera function does not work. On the other hand, the email and google works! I was stunned by the things i've discovered today. Since my dream is to become a CEO of an electronic company, what i learned today was extremely priceless. I am really greatful to Mr. Carlos, who helped us through all the miracles of today.

All connected

We researched about Da Vinci for a history project. We learned about his life, and major works he's done. However, the thing that really stays in my mind is the philosophies of his. One of his philosophies were: "a good day spent, will bring a good night's sleep, and a good life spent, would bring a happy death." I've spent my days perfectly well all the time, but i just cant help myself questioning Da Vinci's famous quote. I have hard time falling asleep early. I really dislike myself for not being able to fall asleep faster like normal people. I would always have to roll around in bed for over 1 hour to fall asleep. Sometimes, i just give up and read a book, but to me, reading a book is not good when i'm supposed to sleep. I would just finish the book and the next day would be like *ahem* People and researchers found out that the amount of sleep you get does really affect your studies and grades the next day. I really think i should fall asleep faster. People said to count sheeps when you cant fall asleep. People say that is is because "sheep" sounds like "sleep" so people count them before sleep. I am going to study hard and grow up changing the world, so I am determined and promising myself i would sleep earlier and study hard the next day in order to fullfill my dreams.

Dreaming big, and Believing it.

During MUN class today, we watched a documentary called "The Devil came on horseback." It was about a genocide incident in Sudan. The government of Sudan pays cabals like the Jangaweed to act. There were interviews of people that they lost their families and have no where to go. Also, there were many tragic photos of burnt people and villages. People around the world can make big changes. It may be difficult, but if most of the people around the world participate and solve the problem together, it may really work. However, we did learn that it is not an easy thing. I've always dreamed big, like very big. I've always known everything happens for a reason, including that I am born. I will forever believe that I was born for a reason, the reason is to be a global leader, to bring changes to the world and making the world a better place to live- for every single human being. I am determined to stop the famine in africa, give the children good educations and the adults jobs, and homes, and supplies, everything. I've once dreamed to unite Korea again, to one big whole country. However, sadly, I learned today, things around the world can not be easily changed. Even the smallest change requires a huge crowd's attention, and there must be a strong support from others. However, I am determined to keep on dreaming, study hard, and I believe, one day, I would bring great changes to the world and make the lives of people around the world much simplier, easier and simpily- better.

Philosophy

In history class, we made a timeline poster about Leonardo Da Vinci, and one part we had to include was philosophy. Philosophies and rules of survival are similar. I've created rules of survival through my entire life and i live by them even if i break "several" rules frequently. A funny thing is that i am currently reading a book called "the rules of survival." After the research of Da Vinci's philosophies, some of the ones i remember the clearest are: "a good day brings good night's sleep, a good life brings a happy death", "when there is shouting, there is no true knowledge," and "manage your time well." Some of my Rules of Survival are: being on time, neat handwriting, being smart, studying hard, listening to others, care for others, always smiling, if you want something, go get it, and live life to the fullest. Even though i cringed several times, writing down my rules of survival, i promise that i will try hard not to break my rules, afterall, they are my rules of survival. In conclusion, if i keep breaking my rules of survival........ i would not survive WELL in this world!!!!

Patience

Today, our family went to a valley, and suprisingly, i learned many things there. I knew it before but now i feel strongly about it because i saw it in action. I knew all along I'm not the only one living in this society, so i have to yield and not make others uncomfortable. We came first and sat down on the rocks. Then, another family suddenly came and started spraying water everywhere, and we almost got wet. They didnt think for others and made others uncomfortable. Secondly, there were tiny fishes, and i tried to catch them. I learned that, in life, patience is really important. However, you first have to be prepared and then comes patience. I cupped my hands in the water, which was preparation, then I found out i need patience and at last i caught 3 fishes. The interesting thing was that i had a bet with my family, whether i could catch the fishes or not with my bare hands, and i did at last. Also, i learned i can not be too greedy. I spent the longest time trying to catch the 4th fish but i didnt, then it was time to get home. Many of the things i learned again today, are world widely known morals. So, the last thing i learned today, is that morals in like Aesop's stories, are all true, and it would be very useful if people keep them in mind and strongly believe in them.

1st Entry: From lazy to busy

Today was the 4th day of school. This entry is actually the first text that i write about my feelings and how i've been doing. During almost the whole entire summer, i was in a camp. The camp was about teenage Koreans who scattered around the world coming back "Home"(Hope of Motherland Experience) and experiencing Korean culture and learning the history. I made alot of friends there, it was easier to know people because we all had similar lives. So you just start conversations with random people, and the first question is: "Where are you from?" the next is: "How long have you been there?" " How old are you?" and so on. I also learned alot when i was at the camp. We visited the Bluehouse (similar to the white house). We were supposed to meet the president, but we didn't, and i was very disappointed. We also visited many museums, the independence hall, remarkable temples, and other famous historical sites. We had concerts and talent shows. They were very exciting and amusing. Many people came and gave us speeches about how important we are. Koreans that live around the world can help develop Korea. I felt and learned alot of things when i was there. It was a truely unforgettable experience and memory. Now, i'm back at school, under a load amount of homework, and sleeping late everyday. However, i remember what the people told us during the speeches at the camp: we were all born to be leaders, so now, i would have to focus on schoolwork and study hard, then become a global leader in the future.